Friday, September 18, 2009

Top Five......The Key Word is Bonus

I was looking over a lot of the news and info that came out of the D 23 Expo and one of the things that I was most excited about was the release of the name of Pirates of the Caribbean 4. It’s “On stranger Tides” for those of you that didn’t know. Anyways I was thinking of the movies based on attractions that Disney has released in the past and I realized that some of the concepts worked (Pirates of the Caribbean and yes the Haunted Mansion) and those that didn’t (How awful was The Country Bears Jamboree?). So I decided to post some idea for Disney attractions that would not work well as a movie. Enjoy.

Top Five Disney Attractions that Wouldn’t Translate Well Into a Movie

1. Speed 4: Living with the Land- The movie immediately starts with Keanu Reeves on a raft in the Land pavilion passing by the Mickey shaped pumpkins and turns to face the camera and yells “If this boat goes faster than half a mile an hour then we are all dead.” Then he looks around and realizes it’s Living with the Land so they have no problem with going too fast. The end. Short sweet and to the point.

2. Spaceship Earth The Movie……in 3D- First of all let me say this is one of my top errr... something ride, it’s somewhere up there. Anyways I tried figuring out how this ride could possibly be made into an even slightly interesting movie and I got nothing. It is a slow moving, serious ride about the history of communication and the only genre of movie it sells itself to is possibly a made for TV movie on the History channel that you would only watch because you turned on the TV, lost the remote, and didn’t feel like getting up to change the channel. But on the plus side it’s in 3-D.

3. It’s A Small World II: No Way Out- The concept for this is a horror movie on the same level of the Hills Have Eyes and Halloween (the original ones and not the new Rob Zombie remakes). Once everyone has taken their seats in the theater the ushers lock movie goers in and suddenly the screen turns black and for the next five hours you hear nothing but “It’s a Small World After All.” Oh God! Imagine the movie tagline for this one, “Amongst the song, no one can hear you scream.”

4. The Hall of Presidents- Just No.

Bonus Movie (Why you shouldn't just turn an movie into an attraction)

5. Stitch’s Great Escape or That thing that I run by on my way to Space Mountain (you know, the one with the yappy blue dog on it)- Once upon a time an attraction opened in the Magic Kingdom and it was.....good. Many years later Disney came out with a movie, Lilo and Stitch, and it was.....okay. Then came the magic of synergy and the attraction, Alien Encounter, fused with Stitch......and I cried. Where once you would smell the breath of an alien as it was about to pounce, now you inhale a noxious fume that is meant to simulate the smell of a chili cheese dog.......stays in your nose for hours (no thanks). It just has to be understood that not everything translates from one media or another without the help of "some" originality. This attraction simply makes me yearn for what once was. BRING BACK MY ALIEN ENCOUNTER!!!!!!

Have a Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah-Day!


  1. "and it takes about two hours to get the awful smell of chili cheese dog from your nose." HAHAHAHAHAHA OR LONGER! SO TRUE!!! WHY!?!?!?

  2. There is just nothing appealing about that smell. It is so sickening.